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This will break your heart.

Note: A post from my previous blog which I closed down. It’s about time I re-open this one, just to freshen up old memories, cleanse and repent. I’ve trashed all of the past, and am now making way for the future.

We all know that I’ve been inevitably inactive these past few months, and I’ve been really busy with RL due to the fact that I’m entering college in a matter of days. 
It can’t be helped, really. 
It’s hard to say goodbye, I know. Especially to something or in this case, a number of things and a number of people whom have been your main source of happiness for a large period of time. Sad to say, sometimes, you just have to make good use of the goodbye, and turn it to something even better. 
You have to. For all it was worth. 
The fandom has changed a multiple number of aspects in my life. It’s brought me joy, excitement and not to mention made me feel the warmth of every single bit of love and being loved back.
However, it wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies. In the end, I just knew I’d wake up to something I’ve been dreading ever since I decided to pour all my feelings onto this certain boy band I promised to love forever. 
But every long-term relationship has its bad side, and every heart has its limits. 
Although I’ve known them for almost 3 years, and I’ve been in love with them ever since, I think it’s time I stop denying, and wake up to the harsh truth that I just don’t feel the same anymore. Every PV I watch, and every new release I come to know of just doesn’t make me feel giddy now. And the fire that was once burning in me whenever I hear, see and watch them do their thing, just doesn’t even spark a single flame anymore.
I’ve fallen out of love, and the worst part is, I’ve lost the will to fall back.
Trying hard to gain all of the emotions I had lost, I pushed myself into reading this blog of mine to try and get some of the sweetness of past feelings. This blog was bombarded with fanfiction ( both finished, and unfinished) and rants about how great they were and how much I was really into them.
I’m happy for them, really. They’ve been on a roll ever since the year started. The singles are out, new album, Asian Tour and a number of new dramas piled up ready for 2012. 
They have come so far, and I will always be proud of them.
Maybe someday I’d regret leaving them, but not as soon. There wasn’t a day where I felt remorse for spending my every penny just for them and myself to be happy. There is absolutely no reason for me to be bitter to the ones who once made me feel like I was on top of the world. I’m keeping all of the memories to prove to anyone that I did make time, and I did exert big effort just to see them, and to hear them, and even to spend a ton just to actually speak to one of them. 
Now, some of you might probably be asking, “why is this bitch leaving the fandom?” 
Well, to be perfectly honest, I’m not quite sure either. 
You know those times when you start to realize that it stopped being about you and him? And the love is starting to revolve around everything else that’s surrounding your relationship?
It’s as bad as a real break-up could be.
I’m not going to point anymore fingers to other fans who sometimes seem to me as if to be the reason why I’m leaving the fandom. It’s unfair to know that lately I’ve been mentally insulting the band, and I’ve been comparing them to other groups myself, so if the other fans are horrible, what reason do I have to be a mere hypocrite? Won’t that make me the worst?  
Basically, it’s entirely my fault, and even I can’t blame myself for being human. We fall in love, and we fall out of love. All the better things happen in between “I love you”s and “goodbye”s. 
I need to move on, and I need to give up. I need to be strong, because I know life will bring better things to me. 
Thank you for everything, Yabu, Takaki, Inoo, Hikaru, Daiki, Keito, Yamada, Chinen, Yuto, and Ryutaro. You will always have this special place in my heart. (And apparently also on my wall.) 
I’m sorry Hey! Say! JUMP. I’m sorry friends. I hope to stay friends despite the fact that I am not a fan anymore. Now I know what the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” really means.
As quoted from my best friend Myca’s tweet, 
“I lied when I said I’d love you forever. Sorry, sorry.”

The Difference between Men and Women.

List of things Girls wish Boys knew. 😛

1. Don’t think that just because you didn’t tell us we are never going to find out.
2. Our friends know EVERYTHING.
3. EVERYTHING said to our friends will be told to us. Guaranteed.
4. No matter what we say,we hate your ex-girlfriend. >:)
5. We check our phones every hour to see if you have replied to our texts, then worry if you haven’t. or sad really.
6. The fact you might leave us for another girl keeps us up at night.
7. When we’re not talking to you on MSN, we’re actually waiting for you to talk to us (in a non-snobby way, we want to see if you still care enough to talk to us).
8. When we act sad, we want you to hug us.
9. Our favorite part of the MSN convo is at the end when you say good bye, because that’s the part you say you love us.
10. We actually freak out on what to do during holidays like Valentines Day.
11. We don’t care what our friends think of you, but we do care what your friends think of us.
12. Yes, you might be the reason we failed that Math tests.
13. We are very, very scared of scaring you away.
14. We don’t care about what we talk about, just as long as we have your attention for a few minutes.
15. Of course, we do believe the crap we read in magazines.
16. We have mood swings. Get over it.
17. Everytime you’re around other girls, we worry they are better than us.
18.We don’t want to hear how cool your ex-girlfriend/neighbour/be
st gal friend is.
19. Movies like ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ depress us.
20. We will move mountains on our timetable if it means seeing you.
21. We compare every other guy to you, and you always come out best.
22. We hate it when you go to bars without us.
23. We hate feeling as if we are like any other girl.
24. Don’t brag about other girls liking you, it just makes us insecure.
25. When we say everything is ‘fine’, it generally means everything is absolutely horrible and we are on the brink of falling to pieces.
26. Don’t just say ‘ok’ when we say we don’t want to talk about it.
27. If you want to know something about us, ask our best friend.
28. If you do not hug us, we will not kiss you.
29. We think you are the best guy in the world.
30. We.Will.Kill.You.If.We.See.You.Slow.Dancing. With.Another.Girl.Without.Telling.Us.
———> seriously, will
31. We really do want you to stick up for us.
32. Compliments. We love them.
33. Be on time. We will think you don’t care if you’re not on time at a certain place.
34. Whether you say (L) or luv or love does matter.
35. We don’t care if you couldn’t come on that date because of the most embarrassing reason in the world, just don’t lie to us.
36. We like cuddling up to you so let us.
37. Silent Treatment + Short Answers + Not Smiling or Laughing + Evil Looks = YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.
38. You will be classed in our ‘Hate’ list if you forget our birthday.
39. Do not ask what’s wrong. We’ll never tell you we just want you to cuddle us.
40. You need to tell us what you think of us, we don’t make assumptions (apart from ‘OMG HE’S GONE OFF ME HASN’T HE?!’)
41. Telling us that we are pretty will mean absolute LOADS.
42. Do not make fun of us unless we are in a good mood. As insecure as girls go, we take these things very seriously. —
43. If you do end up doing Number 42, you just have to hope we aren’t in a bad mood.
44. Saying something sweet MIGHT get you off the hook. Doing something sweet will ALWAYS get you off the hook.
45.DON’T SAY IT, DO IT!!!
46. We never forget things. Ever. We over-analyze everything. We over-react to everything.
48. When we are mad at you, we aren’t actually mad at you we just want you to apologize so we can start showing we like you again.
49. Please don’t stand 384931491329403 feet away from us. Even if we are scary.
50. Please acknowledge that when we are online when you sign in, we probably have waited ages for you to come online so please make it worthwhile.
51. We do not care if 50,000 other guys declared their love for us if you never do it, none of it matters.
52. We don’t like being used.
53. We like it when you do un-expected nice things.
54. We usually don’t let just any guy make us cry, so if you make us cry, damnnn you must have done something bad…
55. This is the way it works: You don’t give us any attention, we dump you.
It is NOT: You don’t give us any attention, we chase after you. Deal with it.
56. We like it when you are protective of us. It makes us feel special.
57. Unless she is a moronic idiot, a girl who truly loves you will love you for a long, loooooooooooooong time.
58. When we come back from a holiday and brag about how awesome it was, during the entire time there we were probably thinking about you. A lot.
59. No matter where we are or what we are doing, we really want you to hold our hand.
60. And please for the love of God shut up about how fit other girls are. You know we like you and the fact you do this despite you knowing how we feel is just evil.

List of things Boys wish Girls knew. 😛

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect gift yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don’t want the answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
6. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
8. Sunday=Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
16. No we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is harder. We are bound to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress.
19. Yes and no are perfectly good answers to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Go see a doctor.
22. Foreign films are for foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won’t dress up like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you angry or sad, we meant the other.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway. It is genetic.
31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should were Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
38. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask what is wrong and you say, “Nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her together.

—

Source: Mitch Arceo and Michael Ray Bondoc.

A Real Boyfriend. :)

When she stares at your mouth,
Kiss her.
When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb-ass
it’s because she thinks shes stronger than you,
Grab her and dont let go.
When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Kiss her and tell her you love her.
When she’s quiet,
Ask her whats wrong.
When she ignores you,
Give her your attention.
When she pulls away,
Pull her back.
When you see her at her worst,
Tell her she’s beautiful.
When you see her start crying,
Just hold her and don’t say a word. Hug her.
When you see her walking,
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind.
When she’s scared,
Protect her.
When she steals your favorite hoodie,
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.
When she teases you,
Tease her back and make her laugh.
When she doesn’t answer for a long time,
reassure her that everything is okay.
When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up.
When she says that she loves you,
she really does more than you can understand.
When she grabs at your hands,
Hold hers and play with her fingers.
When she bumps into you,
bump into her back and make her laugh.
When she tells you a secret,
keep it safe and untold.
When she looks at you in your eyes,
dont look away until she does.
When she reposts this bulletin,
she wants you to read it.

– Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.
– When she’s mad hug her tight and don’t let go.
– When she says she’s ok don’t believe it.
– Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her.
– Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.
– Stay up all night with her when she’s sick.
– Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it’s stupid.
– Give her the world.
– Let her wear your clothes.
-When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her
– Let her know she’s important.
– Don’t talk about other girls around her
– When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:

“Whose ass am i kicking today baby?”

Moving on.. ( A post dedicated to my best friend. :P)

The quote was from the movie, “ONE MORE CHANCE.” When I first heard it, it made me think. Every single day we hurt the person we love. No matter how much they tell us that they’re happy, they still and will always feel a slight pain.

The past can always be forgiven, but never forgotten. We love to heal other’s wounds. Time is the only medicine we can offer them. Courteousness and care is only one of the few things we can do to mend their hearts.

We love, we get hurt, we move on, but do not forget the past we decided to leave behind. Instead, we should cherish those memories.

—

Quote from one of my stories, “Losing the Us.”

“When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen, trust that nature will do the healing. Let the time pass, and when it passes, you’ll be stronger, happier, more sensitive and aware.”

—

“Time Will Pass, and When it Passes”

Time will pass, and when it passes,
Wounds will heal in your heart,
You’ll become stronger, happier, more aware,
Now that you’re apart.

Time will pass and when it passes,
You’ll learn to smile again.
You’ll learn to laugh, be with yourself
And mingle while you can.

Time will pass and when it passes,
you’ll realise that it’s done.
All the tears and all the pain,
Will finally be gone.

Hence the tears that streak your face,
Feel the tenderness, it’s mild.
Hold your head up, have the grace of an adult,
And leave behind the grief of a child.

Time will pass and when it passes,
You’ll become whole once more.
Not half a couple, no longer holding a hand,
And find what you’re worth for.

Nurture the past and after a while,
You’ll smile and say “I made it through,
Something that was almost impossible to overcome,
But, now I’m glad I’m over you.”

And as time will pass and when it passes,
You will learn to love again and forget,
the bitter past that once fooled you,
And that person you once met.

DID YOU KNOW THAT..

1. The word BOOKKEEPER is the only word that has the most double-letters that come after another.
– How could I NOT know this? :3 I actually attempted to memorize the whole oxford english dictionary, and yet I had no idea about this. HOW?! WHY?!

2. The first puck used in ice hockey was a frozen piece of cow dung.
– LOL. Okay, it’s actually a good thing I didn’t know this.

3. A bowling pin needs to only tilt 7.5 degrees in order to fall down.
– What? I don’t know how to do this. o.o

4. Over 820,000 golf balls are sold worldwide every day.
– GOLF BALLS were a hit? WTH!

5. The size of our eyes were the same since birth.
– Oh. My. Goodness. I totally thought our eyes grow. AHAHA.

6. It is estimated that you’ll spend a year of your life looking for lost objects.
– AHAHA. Well, it’s so understandable.

7. The average person spends two years of his or her life on the phone.
– Myca and I probably spent more than 2 years. :3

8. Early bras were made form two handkerchiefs tied together by ribbon.
– I could imagine myself wearing something like that!

9. The plastic bits on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets.
– that was a word? :3

10. Most lipsticks contains fish scales.
– Is this actually true?

11. Men didn’t wear underwear until the 16th century.
– AHAHAHA. The eff! It’s a good thing they discovered underwear after that.

12. On average, 100 people choke to death every year on ball-point pens. And beware of toothpicks. They are the objects most often choked on by Americans.
– This is the ultimate proof that Americans are idiots. :3

13. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
– How does this happen again? :3

14. You are more likely to be killed by a donkey than in a plane crash.
– I normally see donkeys in movies, and they kick the rider off. That’s probably why.

15. About 1000 people commit suicide on any one day.
– Aw. 😦

16. Three times more men commit suicide than women. But three times more women attempt suicide than men.
– yay? This is so true. :3

17. Each day is longer than the previous one by 0.00000002 sec. This works out at 13 sec. each century.
– Does that mean our clocks show wrong times? :3

18. A French bride was arrested at her wedding reception in 1995 for stabbing her new husband with the knife they had just used to cut the wedding cake.
– For better or for Worse? haha.

—

Well, I have to say, there are MILLIONS of things in this world that are surprisingly unbelievable. Somehow, I kind of laughed at these facts. (Except for the sad ones.) Did you know about these? :3 Post comments if you knew any of them. 😉

Things I find Ironic.

This is actually a picture taken from a school in Arizona. First things first, if he knew that it was IMAGINARY, then why would he EFFIN put that sign up in the first place? Sometimes, children really NEED friends to wake up from their world of imagery.

Secondly, even if he did have an imaginary friend, he would have drawn some parts of his face. (Oh the stupidity. It’s killing me.)

Lastly, who would name their imaginary friend STEVE?! (Who is he?! the guy from BLUES CLUES?!)

—–>
A reason why you should all hide your crushes, boyfriends and guys that are extremely good-looking. Oh. My. God. I’m quite thankful I wasn’t a guy. Because if I was, then they would kill me too. =))

Aww. That’s actually true. And I find it ironic. I totally eat a huge bowl of ice cream whenever I’m sad.

On our first break-up, I became suicidal. (You wouldn’t wanna know what I actually did just because of the break-up.) I did whatever an emo person could do. The bitterness of the break-up was worse than a thousand gulps of ampalaya. (Really. I’m bad an Analogy.)

Though it was horrible, ice-cream really helped me with recovering. For some reason, it stopped that lump inside my throat and prevented me from crying.

Beer doesn’t help me though. I’m not a man. Only men drink their guts out whenever they’re upset. But then I guess everyone has their own type of medicine for heartache. For me, it’s ice-cream, friends and a whole lot of fun.

—

THE IRONY IS KILLING ME.

HAPPiNESS iS NEXT TO SUCCESS-NESS. :p

I woke up with a headache today. It’s the only time I’ve realized that it’s not very healthy to think of numbers in the morning.

I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair was an ultimate mess. My eyes were still adjusting to the light of the bathroom and my mouth still had that mark from when I probably drooled last night. (Yes, this is a blog, I’m allowed to share as much as I like.) I could imagine what people would think if they saw me like this.

The expression on my face wasn’t the same though. The smile on my face was still there. I recalled the things that crossed my mind last night.

First, I remembered Myca. Of all my friends throughout the years, she was the only one who stayed by my side. We may have been parted for a little while, *coughbecauseofacertainCLEMcough* and had a few misunderstandings, but still, she never failed to trust me. We were like brothers. Only sisters.

Second, I remembered Sir Aurel. He told me to say good morning to the teachers before I take a test. Seriously, I have no idea why I remembered this. It makes me smile for some reason though. I think it’s because it reminds me of Sir Aurel’s picture in YM. The irony is killing me!

Third, I remembered all my closest friends. They’ve been so busy lately, I can’t even grab a chance to talk to them anymore. It felt kind of good when I recalled our happy times together. I actually laughed when I flash-backed to our Trinoma days. All the laughter and cheer we felt as we walked in and out shops, and at the end of the day we end up not buying a single thing. We children seriously don’t know budget.

Lastly, I thought of the one person who makes me most happy. (He probably is reading this post right now. Yeah we all know who you are. ) I stared up my ceiling for an hour thinking of how he is and if he was thinking about me too. *coughASSUMINGcough* And when I closed my eyes and drifted away in my own imagination, he never fails to be there. If I were to trace a common origin towards all of the happiness in my life right now, it will always come down to him.

Wow. It was a lot to think of in just one night.

Finally, when I looked back up at the mirror to see myself smile like as if today was special, I made a small chuckle at what I was thinking about last night. I was happy. It wouldn’t take a genius to see if my smile was fake or real.

Looking out my window, I blocked the sun’s rays with my hand and grasped it. I thought, today is going to turn out beautifully. I’ve washed away all the tears that used to streak down my face.

After all, happiness is important and we all should work hard, ne? ^_^

Mommy’s Smile. :)

She may not have powers,
But have the hands that heal.
She may not know how to fly,
But undersands how I feel.

She might not have a magic wand,
But can point the wrong from right.
She may not have the strength,
But with bare hands she’ll fight.

She may not be perfect,
But who could ever be?
I like her just the way she is,
And how she smiles at me .. Ü ((=

—

I was browsing through old files of mine, when I found this. It was a poem I wrote when I was 9 years old. (Yes, I’ve been writing for quite a while now.) If I could remember it properly, I bet it was 4th grade when we had a mother’s day tribute in school. All my classmates made huge posters for their moms. It was a little frustrating to feel a left out because I’m not at all good at art.

When I sat alone that day, my teacher approached me and asked why I was feeling down when the rest of the class was excited and anxious to give away their colorful artworks. As a child, I was pretty embarrassed to tell the truth. I thought, everyone has ideas, except for me. I felt hopeless and well, brainless.

She told me there was nothing to worry about because even if I wasn’t good at art or my drawings suck a thousand eggs, there are other things to show devotion to a person who gives you the love no one else could ever pay you with.

My brain then hatched an idea. I could write something simple that could make her smile.

This poem reminded me how important my mother is to me. As the days passed, I also realize how I’ve stepped away from her. There came times when I thought that she gets under my skin ’cause she doesn’t let me get my way. There were also times when I knew that she was only doing this to make me upset, but then I realized that moms aren’t enemies. Come to think of it, moms are best friends. We exsist only because them.

At those times when I hated her for scolding me and telling me things over and over again, I think about how I loved it when she reads me the same bedtime story back when I was little and how much I begged for her to read it to me again and again.

At times when she doesn’t let me go out with my friends, I also remembered the time when she helped me take my first steps.

Whenever I said bad things to her I come to remember that she was the one who taught me how to say my first words, and it makes me cry when I think of how I loved how she smiled when she taught me how to say “mama.”

She was there when I cut my knee at school, and until know is standing by me when I cry because my boyfriend and I had a fight. She used to wipe my wound with a warm towel and tells me, “Ikaw kasi eh.” But deep inside she wanted to tell me that it was okay to cry.

Mommy’s love is something not even a father can’t compare. She works hard just to see us smile even just for a second. And yeah, even if she gets upset because of your obnoxious teenage-like behavior, she still loves you because no matter how much you’ll grow up, you will always and forever be her baby. 🙂

After a While..

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head high up and your eyes open, with the grace of and adult, and not a grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So plant your own garden and decorate you own soul, instead of waiting for someone to give you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong…
And you learn that you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn…
With every good-bye you learn…

—

I felt a little emo writing this post. It’s not very healthy for young girls to think of these things right after a beauty sleep. Seriously, it gives me stress and uncontrollable hiccups.

The whole poem made me realize how much I did learn after past experiences. For some reason it made me quite relieved that I’m over whatever it was I had lost before, and what I gained now. I feel more mature somehow.

You get me right? 😀