Fangirls: Your worst enemies

Being a hardcore fangirl of both Jpop and kpop (just EXO and SHINee), of course I have made quite a few encounters in my life. These encounters include fellow supporters, bloggers, and online friends that share the same interests.

However, just like in this socially impaired world, there are instances wherein individuals cannot be accepted in certain norms.

Take my experience as an example. I’ve been a fan of jpop for a very long time. It runs in my veins now, and there are others who share that same blood as me.

But having the same blood didn’t always mean we’d all get along.

As most of my friends know, I’m an incredibly insecure and jealous person. I may not say it sometimes, but really I am. I have met other girls who were as obsessed as me with JUMP and AMUSE, so I guess you could call me “experienced.”

Each and every one of them had a story tell, personality, and perspective. Definitely it was something I became interested in. I actually enjoyed hearing some opinions, comments and rants of others about a common fandom.

And so I started to follow them on twitter, livejournal, and added them on Facebook. Sure they were friendly at first, but aren’t we all?

Slowly it occurred to me that online friends could end up to be your worst enemies. It was sad to know that the people whom you thought were your friends, turned out to be the people who were slowly ruining your image.

And so some of us had a little disagreement, but so what? As I said, we have the freedom to express. I’m sorry if I don’t like Yamada as much as you do, and I’m sorry if I killed you when I said that Yuto, Ryosuke and Chinen weren’t gay, and I’m sorry if you were Kakkun’s wife (but Dear Lord who wouldn’t want to bake cookies on him?), and so kill me. If that’s their way of showing their love towards their idols, /inserts impending sarcasm here/ then I envy them. /sarcasm off/

I don’t really care if my opinion clashes with another. Knowing that everyone has their own way of thinking is wonderful. It’s just that the lack of acceptance in this certain situation is slowly killing the relationships of what’s supposed to be called a “friendship.”

I like how some would think differently. To me, they deserve to be respected. And you can call me a hypocrite now because I exceptionally hate Hello! Project. I just can’t control my hatred on twitter.

But that’s another story to tell. 😉

Confessions of an ex-JUMPer.

Here I am once again with another emo post. It just so happens that many fellow fangirls of mine have been asking me about the reasons why I broke up with Hey! Say! JUMP. I haven’t really clarified it in my previous posts about my departure from the fandom, so I’ll state it down briefly right here.

There is no main reason why I left. I actually have a number of reasons. But for the sake of my wondering friends, I’m going to let it all out one by one:

1) I was becoming greedy. My parents are giving me good money just to feel HSJ’s presence in my life. Mom knows well how much they made me happy, and so for the sake of avoiding my child-like tantrums, she gave me what we both thought I needed. Being so undeniably spoiled, I practically begged with threats just to fly, and spend every single penny I had just to be where they were. Yes, I am not even exaggerating. I go there just to watch them. And you know how much money I’m wasting? Of course you do. And that’s how crazy I was.

2) Rather than inspiration, JUMP was becoming an utter distraction. Since it became my obsession, I’ve never had the chance to concentrate. My priorities were put aside, and my lust for them took over me as a whole. Why, how and when I started to transform, I have no idea. All I know is that I stopped studying, and paused everything I used to love doing. I was isolated in this own world wherein all I could think and breathe was them. Even if they were the cause of my smiles before, I just can’t go back. I couldn’t.

3) The news about HK tour. I didn’t know what to feel. Should I be appalled? Should I be amused? Should I be ashamed of those fellow JUMPers who had absolutely no humility at all? I don’t know. All that I know was that I wasn’t liking it one bit. I didn’t know which side to defend. HK fans were different, yes. But that’s just about it. They’re not Japanese, and it was the very first time JUMP ever visited, so what did they expect? A more peaceful welcome? Aren’t they supposed to be happy? HK fans only wanted to express the outcome of their love through hard work. I expected JUMP to handle it professionally, but instead, they complained. They angered on the cultural shock they had experienced. What does an intelligent and very wide awake fangirl have to think? I loved them to bits, even at that time! Little did I know, one day I just had to heal from this blindness. That was when I started my rehabilitation.

4) After expressing all my thoughts on twitter, Facebook and livejournal, I gained a lot of hate mails. I don’t understand how and why the fandom became this much intoxicated on HSJ’s love. What happened to an honest and open-minded fangirl like me was this: I was hated not because I kept ranting of how annoying this whole thing turned out to be, but because I started to become honest. For the first time in my life I noticed all of the flaws.

Right then I just knew that I had to learn. I had to grow up. My life had to go on because of the nothingness this love was giving me. I WAS SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH HSJ, IT WAS STARTING TO HURT. And as much as it pierces me right now, I cannot deny that I do miss them, and that I still feel that small pain whenever I see them, whenever I hear them, and whenever I see how successful they have become ever since I left. HSJ made me happy, even if in the end we’d end up “Just Friends.”

I’ve lost the will to call myself a JUMPer, I’ve deleted every picture I have, I’ve sold some of the merchandise I used to worship so much and just plain stopped, cleansed and rehabilitated.

In the end, I just couldn’t be bitter. Even I know well why I simply can’t be. They still make me smile occasionally, but this doesn’t mean I will ever feel the same anytime soon.

I’m an EXOTIC now. I’m a Shawol too. Of course still forever a-MUSE, and an AKB fan at heart, but this is just me, starting out fresh again, trying to avoid my previous mistakes as a fangirl. I just know that I can’t afford another heartbreak from this. Just like that first, second, and third break up of mine, someday I know I’ll completely move on from being a JUMPer.

And so ends my post here. Long and exaggerated to some, am I right? I hope it turns out meaningful to others. You can’t always take my word for it. Just keep in mind that a boy band is just a boy band, and even if you pour out all your affection, they will remain in this certain position in your life.

No matter how much feelings you show, and no matter how much you spend, someday you will learn that life needs to keep going. Remember that there is more to life than them.

Konnichiwa! :3

As you can see, I’ve re-opened this blog to completely cleanse myself from the polluted atmosphere I’ve been feeling in my HSJ-dedicated blog (livejournal). Most of the older posts here still have some of my otaku-prints all over them, so I guess this shouldn’t bother me as much.

You’re probably wondering, why did this bitch suddenly decide to re-open lulepap.blogspot?

Simple: I wanted to open my thoughts on the new things that have been making me smile. Since HSJ and other aspects of the JPOP fandom have been stabbing me, I’ve decided to open this blog. It will be dedicated to the fresh, new happiness I’ve been experiencing after the pain of giving up HSJ.

Yes. In contrary to my previous post, unfortunately, it is all true. I’ve given up way too much for a certain boy band that has been choking me without me even noticing. That is, until I’ve finally woken up to the reality of that toxic fandom.

JUMPers can all hate me now if they wish to. It always seems like I’ve been openly inviting them to pour their hatred on me with every post I make. The same goes to my tweets. I’ve been tweeting my most honest opinions on their recent behavior, and apparently some fans are too blinded with their love for them. I gained haters, earned private hate mails, got unfollowed by a number of users and lost quite an amount of friends too.

See why I left now?

Moving aside all of the negativity, it’s time I finally introduce myself to a healthier, new fandom I’ve come to know of. It’s already too obvious now due to the layout and such. Most of you who are reading this have probably guessed.

I’m an EXOTIC now. I’m occasionally a Shawol too. I’m still a Muse, and an AKB48 fan though.

When I have the time, I’ll post about the start of my kpop fandom. I still love jpop a whole lot more, but I guess EXO could be that main exception to my past hatred towards this kpop world. =))

I hope to gain more love from you! 🙂